FEEDBACK

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Final feedback has been made available on the semester work and I am really  thrilled with these two pieces of feedback.

On my Lewy Body artefact  – The ideas are complex and the artefact is structured in a surprising fashion that integrates some artistic devices with non-fiction writing,…taking into account the complexity of this project and  it’s ambitious attempt to blend to distinct ways of knowing, this assignment represents an applied effort and considerable skill as a writer.

On The Ladybird, The Mace and The Ripper  –   You’ve used language quite well to keep the atmosphere of the times – phrases like “kip”, “ladybird”, “knobkerrie”. The character dialogue rings fairly true of the times (not that I know how people really spoke back then… the point is, you had me believing their dialogue was authentic.)

Your description is sometimes spot on and sometimes could do with being more detailed and immersive.

Your action sequences – for example, the rape, and Maddy striking back – could be enhanced with more verisimilitude. Things like, what Maddy’s eyes may randomly focus on in the room (on the ceiling, for example) as this business unfolds… or, the random thoughts which may pop into someone’s head, unbidden, during such an event. It’s a confronting scene, so I’m not saying it needs to be more violent or explicit, but more detailed in other ways, for true verisimilitude. That’s the difference between writing something merely serviceable as opposed to something absolutely immersive. You’re not far from it, these are suggested enhancements to make the scene really sparkle.

As for structure: I was concerned that you weren’t going to be able to end this effectively, but I was pleasantly surprised by how you got around that puzzle via the journal entry epilogue… quite clever, actually…

On the whole, a good effort: a good, relevant and original idea, well researched, and well executed. Good job, Linda.

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About lindandsam

Linda is a poet and writer. She is a student at the University of the Sunshine Coast (USC) completing Bachelor of Creative Writing. Published in the USC Storyboard, 2015. Self-published ‘Where is Gedhum Choekyi Nyima?’ For the Tibetan Children’s Village, Dharamsala, 1997. She lives in the Sunshine Coast Hinterland and shares her life with her partner and their four-legged fur babies Hugo and Tashi-la, and their second-hand book shop.

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